do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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