Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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