just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
