Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
