I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
