its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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