There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
