dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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