I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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