Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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