FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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