ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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