so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
