i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
