Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
try to milk me bitch
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
