My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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