Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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