I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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