So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
