On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just pee around me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
