Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
