i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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