in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
