the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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