She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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