my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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