Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize