I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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