I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
thus making me awesome and them whores
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
