The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
