The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
