id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
