guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
