A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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