They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
