he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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