3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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