They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
