How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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