he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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