I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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