i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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