I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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