Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
