Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
