Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
