Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize