i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
