i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
