When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
