I'm jealous of your bromance
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
