i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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