Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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