Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
