Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
