Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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