do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
