I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
