Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
