I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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