Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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