fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
