I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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