You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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