My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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