just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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