Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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