My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You left your phone here
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