My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
