yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize