her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
