so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
