i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
