Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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