How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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