apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
