I just cut my nipple shaving
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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