sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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