You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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