What a fucking waste of an outfit
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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