I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
