so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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