Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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