There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
